Learning to Love and Accept Yourself ie Your Family

In “Peace from Broken Pieces,”  Iyanla says, “personal defects can lead you to the edge of your personal power and loving and accepting yourself in the midst of all that discovery about yourself will force you to jump head first into greatness.”  We all have a level of greatness that God has put in us, but because of the human experience we can easily get sidetracked, even derailed.  We all have stories of what we believe, and know, that our parents, guardians, authority figures didn’t do correctly in our lives, but we must make a conscious decision and tireless effort to overcome those things to become God’s original design.  Loving and accepting yourself is hard work, but completely worth the time that it takes.  We all have things that we wish we could change overnight, but…I hate to be the bearer of bad news, it does not change overnight.  Oh, how I wish I had a magic wand to perfect every defect, I’d be selling perfection making gazillions…lol.

When we are children, our parents can do no wrong.  They honestly don’t have to do anything to receive our love and acceptance, simply be.  But as we get older we began to judge our parents.  I had a conversation with a friend the other day that I hadn’t seen in a few months. And we were talking about how we grow up putting our parents on pedestals, as if they are gods, then are basically devastated when we learn later down the line, they are simply human.  And they are dealing with their own childhood and life drama.  Hurt people, hurt people, whether intentionally or accidentally.  There aren’t many of us that have or had parents that had ill-intent toward us, however all of us have parental based issues.  Raising children doesn’t come with a manual and when you’re a teenage mom I think the problems multiply.  They’re still trying to figure things out for themselves and about themselves, how could they possibly direct a child.  I learned that, being the product of a teenage single parent home.  My mom had my brother at 15 and me at 17, and the mistakes are many, but I have to give her a pass, as she was a child trying to raise children.  I am learning to forgive.  The dysfunction of her and her mother’s relationship had no other choice but to spill into hers and mine, because she taught what she was taught.  You can only teach and pass on what you know.  I’ve also come to realize that you can only begin to fix dysfunction if you recognize that it is dysfunction.  If you don’t see it, refuse to see it or just believe that it’s normal, you cannot take the steps to correct it.  Iyanla puts it so profoundly, “when you inherit a broken family, you can’t throw it away and get a new one.  What you can do is find people and situations that provide for you what your family cannot.”

Have you forgiven your parents for their shortcomings?  Have you tried to generate people and experiences that will help you get what you need?

Until Next Time,

Be Blessed, Be Loved but most of all BE YOU!

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