In “Peace from Broken Pieces,” Iyanla says, “when you inherit a broken family, you can’t throw it away and get a new one. What you can do is find people and situations that provide for you what your family cannot.” (p. 63)
What continually amazes me about coming from a single parent home is the parent that stayed is the one that is the most dishonored. But, to be honest, I only recently stop to think that she was trying to do the job of two people…she was a child, how in hell was she going to accomplish that. Today, I can call my dad and talk to him about anything. Not that I call him often. Why, because he’s still the knight in shining armor that I needed him to be when I was five. Although, he wasn’t there to help me navigate mom’s mood-swings, he wasn’t there to tuck me in, he wasn’t there to teach me about how a lady should be treated, he wasn’t there to protect me from my molester. The only way that he could dodge all of that was not to be there. My father was 20 years old when I was born and was on a naval ship in the middle of nowhere. I honestly believe that I’ve been trying to maintain the image that’s always been in my head of what a father would be, therefore, I don’t see or talk to him a lot because when I do, I realize he’s just a man. As Iyanla said on Super Soul Sunday, “Daddy Gone.”
That’s really difficult to say…”Daddy Gone”, why, because it smacks me/you back into the reality of knowing that I’m not 5, I’m 35. By this age, most people have children of their own. We will always need that father figure in our lives and unfortunately, it may not actually be your biological father who provides it. He cannot provide for you, now, what you needed then. Time has passed. We must figure out how to have relationships with our parents, as adults, just as we would with any other person. If you notice that your parents have personalities that clash constantly with yours, be real about it. We can only take some people in spurts or sporadically, because you and I are grown, the same goes for our parents. We are no longer children, so your parents and you have to realize that. I tell my mom all the time, you no longer have children, you now have a grown son and a grown daughter. Does that mean I don’t need you, NO, it simply means that I’ve reached an age where, some things I have to navigate for myself and in my own way. I don’t love you any more or less, if I don’t call you as often. I have to live my life from here on out as an adult with responsibilities, choices and decisions that only I have to live with and make. So don’t take it personally, I am GROWN and sexy…had to add that.
Are you trying to make you father the daddy that he never could be? Are you crucifying your mom for trying to do the job of two people and not being able to do it successfully or the way that you thought it should be done?
Until Next Time,
Be Blessed, Be Loved but most of all BE YOU!!